On the brink of Cheryl Cole's tell all interview on Piers Morgan's Life Stories the singer has opened up in her first really personal newspaper interview.
The 'Promise This' singer has decided to face the public one and for all, answering seriously personal questions for the first and last time.
In the interview with the Guardian Cheryl admits that she knew her ex hubby Ashley was cheating but had to give him a second chance.
In a snippet of the interview, Cheryl admits that discovering that he had cheated made her feel numb:
"I don't know. I'm a bit numb. I've dealt with a lot of it. A lot of it on my own," She's speaking faster and louder now, and you can hear the upset in her voice. "A lot of emotion and feeling. More than anger."
She also admits that working out her marriage in the public eye made things worse:
"I'm a human. I'm still a person, you know. I know to a lot of people the headlines and the stories they read are like some sick entertainment or soap opera, but it's my life and I'm really dealing with it, and it's really happening. It's my real life. Of course I was embarrassed."
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| Cheryl and Ashley married in 2006 |
Throughout the emotional questioning, the Girls Aloud member says that music is the only thing that has kept her going, admitting that this has been her worst year yet. Of course as well as facing her marriage breakdown, Cheryl also contracted Malaria and says she was told that she was dying:
"I had no liver function, no kidney function, I was swollen with the fluid, I had no oxygen in my blood, I literally had 24 hours to get fluid out of my body, otherwise my insides were going to pack in. You know how sometimes you feel ill and say, 'I feel like I'm dying'? Well, I actually felt like I was dying. I asked the nurse outright – was I going to die? She said, 'There's a possibility.' "One thing that everyone has wanted to ask the singer is why she hasn't changed her name back to Tweedy! Surely after the heartbreak she's been through she would want to be disconnected from Ashley? But she explains why it's important to keep the name Cole:
"I don't feel sentimental about the name. If I went back to being Cheryl Tweedy, I'd be… I'm not ashamed of my marriage, it's a period in my life. And I am Cheryl Cole. That's how I feel."
Cheryl insists in the interview that she's not a victim, quite like actress Jennifer Aniston after her split from Brad Pitt, Cheryl doesn't want to be pitied. And during the interview she gets quite upset about this:
"And now she really is upset – whether it's with me, or my wording, or everything we're talking about, I don't know. "I don't feel it happened to me. I hate that. 'It happened to you.' I just hate it. It didn't happen to me. It's someone else's actions. The malaria happened to me. I just hate it. Hate it. Hate the whole fucking thing." It's the only time in our conversation that she swears. She gulps, and chokes back a tear. "Hate this year."
But although she disputes her victim status, which she clearly has, it could be said that without being a victim she may not have got the success she has today, the public sympathize with Cheryl, she admits her situation has helped others:
"I have met a lot of young girls, and they said they'd watched my actions and it had inspired them. It had helped them through a situation, and that's the best feeling ever."
At the end of the interview she admits she doesn't know if she can ever trust a man again but is adamant that her and Ashley will never re-kindle their love, despite keeping his name:
"We've been divorced. That's a pretty big ending. Maybe we can be friends… one day."
It's strange to see that she still admires Ashley and cares for a friendship with him! It's clear that Cheryl has used everything she has been through as one big life lesson.
Check out her TV tell all interview tonight on ITV1 at 10 o'clock, or on Sunday, TV3 at 9 o'clock.
